Alice fell down a rabbit hole into a world full of nonsense; a world of peculiarity, bewilderment and, yes, wonder. She found herself there after boredom with her own life led her to chase after a talking, clothed, white rabbit. Some might say that Alice just needed a good dose of Zyprexa; clearly, the poor girl was experiencing symptoms of severe, psychotic depression accompanied by a break with reality , hallucinations and delusions. But when it comes to dating, isn’t there a little Alice in us all?
When Alice first allowed herself to fall, she could see everything she wanted through the keyhole of a teeny-tiny door. It was so close but so far away. Alice was too big to fit through the door so, while she could see what she wanted, she had no idea how to get it. Even after Alice discovered the drink that would make her small enough to fit through the door, she was then too small to pick up the key that would open that fateful door. It became a game of trial and error for our beloved Alice, finding the right balance of cookie and drink so she could get to the other side of the door, to the beautiful garden, the garden she was positive was where she belonged.
There is a saying that clichés are clichés for a reason; that something becomes cliché because it’s true. So how do we explain the existence of contradictory clichés? Are we out of sight, out of mind or does absence make the heart grow fonder? If we love something, do we let it go or do we fight for what we want? Just like Alice, we can see what we want but figuring out the right way to get it isn’t always so simple. The truth is, there may not be a right or wrong answer. Every person and every situation is different and finding the right way to get our foot through the door comes down to simple trial and error.
One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to take a step back and not come on so strong. Most of my experience has taught me that men like the hunt so when it’s too easy, they either lose interest or get scared and run off. Until I met one of the most elusive types of men ever: the non-emotionally-anorexic man. It seems there is a sub-breed of man who appreciates and even craves honesty of emotion. By holding back, I gave off the impression that I just wasn’t that into him and our communication somehow became as jumbled as Alice and the Mad Hatter at tea-time.
We’re often told that if we don’t have anything nice to say, we shouldn’t say anything at all. But if we don’t speak up, nothing will ever change. Holding our feelings inside doesn’t help anyone and when we talk in riddles about what’s really going on, we get stuck at tea-time indefinitely, never understanding what the other person is really trying to say.
At first I ate the cookie. I made myself bigger and I fought for what I wanted. And when that didn’t work, I tried the drink and I shrank myself down and gave CC space. And what I learned is that the blending of the two different approaches got me back through the door, out of Wonderland and into reality; into a place where it isn’t always 6pm and where we speak to each other not through riddles but through our hearts.
What I learned is, I suppose, a lesson similar to Alice’s. Through the keyhole, the other side can look wonderful; it looks brighter, happier and somehow easier. From the other side of the door, Wonderland looks like it’s the solution to all of our problems and, if we can just find a way to fit in, we’ll find perfection. The grass is always greener, right? But things aren’t always as they seem and life takes work no matter which side of the door you’re on. The real key is communication and being true to ourselves. I’ve learned that the right person for me is going to let me keep my heart where it’s comfortable: right on my sleeve. And I’ve learned that I have to listen as much as I speak, including listening to all the things that aren’t being said. My reality may not be perfect but I’ll take a man who makes me melt over a mushroom that makes me shrink and a hookah smoking caterpillar any day.
“Growing up is not an absence of dreaming It’s being able to understand the difference between the ones you can hold And the ones that you’ve been sold And Dreaming is a good thing cause it brings new things to life But pretending is an ending that perpetuates a lie Forgetting what you are Seeing for what you’ve been told Oh truth is stranger than fiction This is my chance to get it right And life is much better without all of those pretty lies” ~ Goodbye Alice in Wonderland, Jewel