Murphy’s Law says anything that can go wrong will go wrong. I believe that this is a big part of the reason why I’m still single. There is a part of me that is constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, probably because it always has in the past. It’s almost impossible to enjoy the moment when you’re constantly wondering when the bottom is going to fall out from underneath you.
We enter each new relationship or possible relationship with hope and we place our faith in another person to take care of our hearts. But how well do we really know anyone? Even couples who have been married for years often go their separate ways. After a track record that, so far, includes someone who hit me (only once…you don’t get away with that more than once with this woman), two who have died, several who have cheated and one who abandoned me at the time I needed him the most, giving in to another relationship feels like jumping out of a plane without a parachute. Can you really blame me?
I tend to spook somewhere between the three to eight week mark. One could say that I’m an expert at finding reasons to not be with someone. Whether it’s their lack of education, height, crazy family (I already have one crazy family, I don’t need another), finances or perhaps a not-so-squeaky-clean past, I sometimes have a difficult time being able to tell the difference between valid reasons to go our separate ways and “reasons” I’m turning into a much bigger deal than they are just to have an excuse to protect myself. How do we really know when it’s worth the fall? I’m damaged goods but I’ve put the pieces back together enough that, if you don’t look too close, you barely notice the chips and tears or the duct tape holding it all together.
When it comes to new relationships, there is a thin line between exciting and terrifying. Knowing when it’s the right time to take a chance isn’t always easy, especially when you’re trying to ensure that you don’t become one of those couples who gets divorced after twenty years of marriage. Dating is exhausting enough at thirty. I can’t imagine having to do it at fifty. I don’t know much but I do know that a home filled with the warmth, love and laughter of a happy family is something I want more than anything. But shoes work best as a pair, I should know, I own about a zillion of them. The thought of them dropping is enough to make a girl hold her breath. Sigh.
“There’s only now There’s only here Give in to love Or live in fear No other course No other way No day but today” ~ Rent