What we’ve got here is failure to communicate. And it’s evidenced by the feedback on Eulogy to Courtship. The women “liked” it. One female reader even posted the link on her own Facebook timeline with a resounding “Hell yea!” The men, on the other hand, weren’t quite as supportive and several seemed to take personal offense. Methinks thou doth protest too much, gentlemen.
A reader commented that “Men basically want sex all the time and women usually less so. Everybody knows this and they adjust their behavior accordingly. Women know that men want an endless supply of sex so when men come begging for it, it doesn’t make women feel all that special. It also gives women an enormous amount of power. If women wanted sex more than men then it would be men who felt like they were in a position to demand flowers and gifts.” I’m sorry, but I have to say, is it possible that men aren’t just lazy but that they are actually this clueless???
To the male readers, pay attention because I’m about to let you into the mind of women and I’m going to start at the libido. It’s no surprise that men have sex on the brain most of the time. Even the traditional symbol for male has the phallic end at the top where the brain should be. It may come as some surprise to you, though, that many women, in fact, most women I know, have a sexual drive that is as healthy, if not healthier, than most men. There are women walking around every day who are ready to go from the minute they wake up in the morning until the second they fall into dreamland at night. The difference is, we want it to mean something. If all we’re looking for is the Big “O”, we can do that ourselves!
Women don’t use men’s sex drives as a way to demand flowers and gifts. Are the two connected? Absolutely. But in the opposite direction. Bringing a woman flowers because it’s Tuesday or a gift just because it made you think of her touches her heart. And trust me, that’s the best place to touch a woman to turn her on. It’s even more effective than the ear nibble. And it isn’t just about material things. It’s about showing a woman that she means something to you and that you want to be with her because, well, because of who she is. Not just because she has the right plumbing. Personally, I’m a sucker for a home cooked meal or even cooking dinner together.
Try holding her hand more. Don’t complain when she wants to take pictures of the two of you together. Sure, it’s partially so she can post them on Facebook and show you off to all of her friends (and exes). But it’s also because she wants to be able to keep those moments fresh forever, because at some point, the memories will start to fade. So let her show you off! It’s the male peacocks who show off their pretty little feathers anyway, right? The point is, do things for her just to make her happy. And she will make you happy back.
Men and women have different needs. Or do they? Don’t we all just want to feel like we are loved? Special? Like we are important to someone? The different sexes just come about feeling this way from different actions. Men may not get the same melty feeling when a woman buys them flowers but they do when she slips into “something a little more comfortable”. Or let’s you keep the game on while you’re having “together time”. Sex is an incredibly important part of a relationship whether you are male or female. And women want it just as much as men. We just aren’t as willing to give it up to people who haven’t done anything to deserve it. Coming home from work and putting your dirty shoes up on the coffee table while drinking a beer and watching TV, expecting us to get dinner on the table for you isn’t exactly what most women would call foreplay. You want us to throw out the granny panties and put on more thongs? Well we have wants, too!
We’re all familiar with the phrases “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” and “You get out of it what you put into it.” Well, maybe it’s time both sexes put in enough effort to meet in the middle…here on planet Earth. It seems safe to say that if men are reading a blog about dating and relationships written by a woman, they are probably doing it in the hopes to pick up some pointers. So, maybe it’s time to stop being so offended, put on your big boy boxer-briefs and deal with it. I’m not sure who said it better, Alicia Silverstone (“They just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair – ew – and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so!”) or Jay-Z (“The problem is you dudes treat the one that you lovin With the same respect that you treat the one that you humpin”), but, at the end of the day, the truth still stands that a little effort goes a long way. If a woman wanted to feel like any girl a guy brought home from the bar, well, she would go home with some guy from the bar!
Gentlemen, what you have here is the inside track to getting a healthier sex life with your significant other. So, you can hate on it or you can stop…collaborate…and listen!!!! Take it or leave it guys but I promise you, if you put more effort into making a woman feel special, she will put more effort into doing the same for you. In bed. (Fortune cookie ending)
* (To the reader I quoted, thank you for reading. The clueless comment was not aimed at you personally but to the feedback of males in general who just don’t seem to understand what a girl wants at all. I hope you will continue to be a fan!)
“What you want Baby I got it What you need You know I got it All I’m asking Is for a little respect” ~ Respect, Aretha Franklin