Dearly Beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes. To courtship, chivalry and dating as our prior generations (and Hollywood) knew it to exist. When Lucretia Mott and Elizabeth Cady Stanton fought for equal rights, I doubt this is what they had in mind. How, exactly, did wanting the right to work and to vote mean that women vetoed the right to be treated with honor, courtesy and respect? Not to mention a little old-fashioned romance.
While the rest of the world appears to be moving forward in leaps and bounds, with never-ending advancements in fields like communication technology and medical sciences, the dating world seems to have regressed back to caveman days; where men see a woman they like, hit her over the head with a club and drag her back to their cave to have their way. Only now, they meet in a bar, he disorients her with tequila and vodka, which is clearly more subtle than clubbing her, and calls her a cab to send her back to her own cave when he’s done. (“Cab’s are hea!”) We seem to have mastered the art of the one night stand or even the no-strings-attached relationship but we have somehow forgotten how to develop any sort of meaningful, lasting and deep understanding of each other. And we have forgotten how to even begin to get there.
There was a time where men picked women up at their front door for a first date. Even the second and third dates. They showed up with flowers and they didn’t dare kiss a woman goodnight on her lips after the first date. They definitely didn’t try to get into her skirt. Now it seems like every date has become a race to the bedroom.
Is there no longer anyone out there who yearns for those long, passionate kisses goodnight…just for the sake of kissing? For that feeling that the world has stopped spinning and the only thing that exists is that moment. For that feeling that something simple could turn into something amazing with the right cultivation. Why has hand holding, flowers and taking our time become so overrated? What happened to the days where love songs were about love and not about sex? Our grandparents had the Rat Pack. We just have rats.
Now, single women buy themselves flowers to adorn their kitchen tables… from the supermarket when they’re purchasing their milk and microwave dinners. There’s nothing wrong with single women providing for themselves the same perks that they would get from a partner; things like flowers and even jewelry. Or going on vacation to an exotic island with “the girls”. Just because a woman isn’t married doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve happiness, right? But when a man takes interest and decides to act on it, maybe I’m old-fashioned, but the flowers adorning the dining room table should be coming from him, as a thank you for a great time on a first date and an invite for the second.
Instead of sending the follow-up flowers or even making a traditional phone call, men send text messages to ask a woman out. And after the first two or three dates, they’re expecting those text messages to become a little bit more racy…possibly including photos one can only hope won’t be leaked online. The last time a date offered a candlelight, home cooked meal? Day before never.
As women, if we want more, don’t we have a responsibility to stand up and say so? If we take what we can get than that’s all we are ever going to get. There is no reason for men to work harder if we just roll over for a text and the Three Courses for $16.99 menu at Friday’s. We’ve earned the right to vote and to work. And most of us work just as hard, if not harder, than our male counterparts. And we get paid less while doing it. And still, we’re expected to maintain a home just as the traditional housewives did back in the fifties. If anything, we deserve the flowers, the candlelit dinners and all of the romance more than our ancestors ever did.
“Fly me to the moon Let me swing among the stars Let me see what life is like On Jupiter and Mars In other words Hold my hand” ~ Fly Me to the Moon, Frank Sinatra