A recent article on Cosmopolitan.com addresses a study done on picking up sexual cues of the opposite sex. According to the article, men who think they’re soooo hot believe that we think they are, too. Even when we aren’t actually into them at all. And the guys we are attracted to? They are oblivious to our flirty laughter, inching closer to them and the subtle hair toss. How could our signals be so lost in translation?
To be fair, we can’t place all of the blame for these miscommunications on men. Women seem to be doing an awful lot of misunderstanding as well. According to the study, women underestimate men’s interest in them all around. I suppose that explains why women believe they can be “just friends” with men while the men are usually trying to figure out how to get in their pants.
While the study was done using two-hundred college students, I’m willing to bet the results wouldn’t vary much for adults in their twenties and thirties. In fact, I recently dated a guy in his mid-thirties, the one with the daughter mentioned in To Date or Not to Date. You may recall from that post that I referred to him as being so attractive, I thought I might spontaneously orgasm if I looked directly at him. We went out a few times and, sure, he was nice and there was definite chemistry there. But I was still just getting to know him. I wasn’t planning for anything more with him than the next date. Yet, for some reason, Mr. Beautiful freaked out and started talking about how he isn’t ready to be married again. You could definitely call that over-estimating my interest in him. In fact, shortly after that, I learned a few things about Mr. Beautiful that weren’t so pretty and I told him to lose my number. Among other things I won’t repeat here.
So we know that the beautiful boys think they’re God’s gift and this should come as no surprise. But how do we find a way to clear up the lines of communication so the people we’re actually interested in pick up on it? And so we can stop being bothered by the narcissistic hotties who, while pretty to look at, tend to make our skin crawl and our gag reflexes kick in. Could it be that the confusion is a result of generations of mixed signals and game playing?
Women flirt with men at bars in order to get free drinks. If you’re reading this and denying that you’ve ever done it, you’re lying. We all have. We bat our eyelashes, bite our lower lip, flip our hair back as we laugh, placing our hand on their arm. And, at the end of the night, we send them home alone with a fake phone number. We make these guys think that we’re interested when we’re not. So how can we expect them to know the difference between when we just want a free drink and when we are actually interested in them? And the men? They act like Prince Charming in order to get laid and then we never hear from them again. I think it goes without saying that we may be trained to underestimate when someone is genuinely interested in us as a result.
While it may be a lot easier for everyone to just come out and say what they’re thinking, it’s unlikely to ever happen. All of the studies in the world aren’t going to get men and women speaking the same language. To be honest, isn’t the mystery part of what makes dating fun and exciting in the first place?
“I can see you staring there from across the block with a smile on your mouth and your hand on your huh The story of us it always starts the same with a boy and a girl and a huh and a game Let’s play a love game” ~ Love Game, Lady Gaga