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Dating, Love, Relationships, Romance, Sex, Uncategorized

In a Hopeless Place

When Rhianna sang “We found love in a hopeless place”, I believe she was referring to online dating.

I never thought I would find myself looking for love in the same way that I search for a new apartment or a good sale on Jimmy Choo’s.  I know there are a lot of people out there in the online dating world, many of them are my friends.  In fact, when I first signed up for one of the sites, one of my “highly recommended” people to contact is a good friend of mine.  But there is something that just doesn’t feel natural about sorting through a catalog of people like I’m about to purchase my next date through PayPal.  And then, I came across a great blog about online dating: Online Dating: The Nitty Gritty.  She’s funny, brutally honest and not ashamed to share it all.  In short, she reminds me a lot of me!  So I figured, why not give it a shot?

I signed up for two free online dating sites.  While I’m willing to jump into the experimental waters, I’m not yet ready to pay for it.  People have told me that the fee-sites attract a better quality of men (and probably women) and I definitely believe that.  It just seems to make sense that people are going to be more serious if it’s costing them money.  So, it goes without saying, I have come across my fair share of creepers over the course of the past month that I have been a part of the internet dating world.  Here are some of the highlights (any spelling or grammatical errors are as they were sent to me!):

  • My profile clearly states that I will not respond to anyone who has a shirtless picture of themselves taken through a mirror or who calls me sexy, beautiful, gorgeous or anything similar as an introduction.  “I have a brain and it’s the sexiest part of me”.  And yet, I got these gems in my inbox:
  1. Hi there how are you?my god you look (BEAUTIFUL)and you have a breath taking (SMILE)and you have that (EXOTIC)look and you have a nice (BODY)well what i am trying to say is that you look (PERFECT)and i would honour to know you more so please write me back so we can chat hope to hear from you soon 🙂  (And you are the kind of girl that the guy should intoduce to his mother on the first date) 🙂
  2. Hey sweety check out my shirtless pics… Can I get your number so we can hangout and smoke some boges and a few cigars…Hun ….babe. Sugar pie honey bunch of oats
  • Belly button guy.  He asked for a picture of my belly button.  In the very first message he sent me.
  • One guy I talked to for a few messages and thought there might be a connection.  Until he texted me and I didn’t write back right away.  So he called, texted multiple times, emailed, messaged me through the site and then used my email to find me on Facebook and Twitter.
  • Another guy I agreed to meet up with and then told him, in what I thought was a very nice manner, that I didn’t think we were compatible as more than friends.  He then sent me three consecutive nasty messages through the site telling me off.  Several minutes later he sent me a very nice message as if nothing had happened.
  • Someone messaged me offering me a dollar to talk to them.  When I didn’t, they sent me another message offering me five dollars.  I’m holding out for triple digits and I think it might be realistic.
  • One guy found me on both sites.  I haven’t written him back at all and, yet, he has messaged me over thirty times.  Including this recent gem from him: “So what could I say to get you to look my way….. I could try to yell or ring a bell or maybe send u a email from my other computer which is a dell. I just want a chance to show u some true romance. I can rhyme and spend time but this isn’t only a line….. It’s actually a crime to see a beautiful dime like you looking at the sky for a guy. Look no further I’m like a knight and would fight to get you to see …… That without the right light it’s always night 🙂 lol hit me up I wanna talk”

I always knew there were a lot of crazy, creepy people out there.  What I didn’t know was that I would one day decide to invite them directly into my living room.  Statistics say that one in five relationships now starts online.  But don’t the statistics also show that the divorce rate is over fifty percent?  So, you do the math.  And just as I was starting to think that I was right and that online dating is a waste of my time, something happened.

I started talking to someone who, so far, appears to be pretty un-crazy.  I won’t refer to him as normal because none of us are.  I’m as un-normal as they come!  But he is smart, has a good job, good family values and he makes me laugh.  So I did the most shocking thing of all and I agreed to meet him for drinks during the Knicks game.  Fully expecting to have to rely on the “safety call” from a friend (when a friend calls during a date so, if you’re having a horrible time, you can pretend you just got bad news and have to leave) I was pleasantly surprised.  He was handsome, laughed at my cheesy stories and jokes, and we wound up talking at the bar for over four hours.  Which, of course, means that we racked up a bill of over $70 just for beers and I was drunk.  On a first date.  Nothing but class.

Not to mention that, according to a study recently discussed on the Elvis Duran Show, it’s considered binge drinking when a woman has more than four beers during one sitting.  I couldn’t help but wonder if this guy also thought I was the type of girl you bring home to meet your mom.

As a result of being drunk, when I finally decided it was past my bedtime, we both left the bar.  It wasn’t until a few minutes later I realized neither of us had paid the bill.  I called Internet Boy and we both returned to the scene of the crime, took care of the angry bartender (who could blame her?) and then, he got me to break my first date rule.  He kissed me goodnight.  In the street near my car, in the rain.  Yes, I am fully aware how cheesy and straight out of a movie-of-the-week that is.  And I don’t care.

As I’m writing this, I’m running late for date number two with Internet Boy (IB).  I think it’s only fitting that I am fighting a nasty cold and have a gash across my forehead from an unfortunate incident with my cat.  After our intoxicating (literally!) first date, I would hate for this one to be boring.  I figure if he turns out to be a keeper, we’ll have some great stories for the grandkids one day.  And if not, I’m certainly having fun figuring it all out!

“Yellow diamonds in the light And we’re standing side by side As your shadow crosses mine…We found love in a hopeless place We found love in a hopeless place”  ~  We Found Love, Rihanna

(Disclaimer: I do not approve of finding love amongst, drugs and violence as in the video.  If you are struggling with a substance abuse problem or you are a victim of domestic violence, please seek help and know that you are not alone! VIBS)


About Murphy's Law

You know that cliche that whatever can go wrong will go wrong? Can you think of anywhere else this holds more true than in the dating world? Ever had to change your phone number because someone sent you 150 texts in one day? Or go on a first date with someone you met online, only to find out that there's a reason he was holding his niece in front of half of his face in all of his pictures? Or take you to dinner only to have his ex-girlfriend as your waitress? Yes, the dating world is scary. But the good news is, you're not alone!


4 thoughts on “In a Hopeless Place

  1. Fortunately, no burly Russians sold me into slavery…unfortunately, it was like talking to a wall for an hour.

    Posted by Anon. | January 16, 2012, 9:55 PM
  2. I have an internet date later today. And already it’s a pretty sketchy situation. We are meeting in the city for coffee, which wouldn’t be so terrible if not for the 2 hour train ride each way. Honestly, I’m not really getting a good “vibe” from this girl, but who am I to turn down a date from anyone? I know very little about her other than what she looks like and that she is from the Ukraine. Usually I like to do a pre-meetup information exchange…just so I can get an idea of their level of psycho-ness. But after roughly 5 minutes of exchanging texts, she abruptly asks “Do you want to meet?”. I say yes, because let’s face it women aren’t exactly lining up to date me, and she says “Can you come to Brooklyn?” Now, something that must be known is that I dislike driving very very very much…no particular reason or trauma behind it, I just never have. So this request was not going to happen. I suggested meeting somewhere in the middle like somewhere in Nassau…she repiled “hmmm”. So then I said, how about we meet in Manhattan (at least that way I could take a train in), she said ok and the date was set.

    Normally, before a date I get very nervous/excited and my brain goes into super-overthinking-mode…but for some reason I’m more than a little apathetic about this one. I’m sure she is a lovely girl…but something in the back of my mind is saying ‘She’s going to show up with a group of burly Russian men and they are going to sell me into slavery…IT’S A TRAP!’

    So, if I disappear forever…you’ll all know where I’ve gone haha.

    Posted by Anon. | January 15, 2012, 11:02 AM
    • Studies say that nervous “butterfly” feeling is actually our fight or flight response. And it isn’t a good thing. Sure, we’re all nervous on a first date, especially when we aren’t sure if we are going to recognize the person from their photos or not! But I’ve become a firm believer in trusting the lack of signs, so to speak. I think not having that flip-flop feeling in your tummy is a good thing. When you can sit with someone and just be comfortable to be yourself and breathe, isn’t that what we all want? Best of luck today! Keep an open mind. And both eyes open for the group of burly Russian men!

      Posted by Murphy's Law | January 15, 2012, 11:19 AM

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