I’m always a little torn when it comes to dating. Sometimes I think that when you find someone you could see yourself possibly falling for, you should give it your all. I don’t believe in having multiple sexual partners at the same time so once I think I might really be into someone, I tend to shut myself down for business with anyone else. Not to confuse anyone, by multiple sexual partners, I’m not referring to threesomes. Although that’s not my style either. I’m far too self-centered for having to share while I’m trying to have an orgasm. That being said, I’m just not the type of person who sleeps with one guy on Tuesday nights and someone else on Saturdays. I’m not a prude by any means (I’m sure you’ve figured that out by now) but I’m well aware that if I’m sleeping with multiple people, those people probably are, too. Remember that Coolio song, Too Hot? Well, I certainly don’t want my name to be in the sequel.
On the other side, though, we all know the saying ‘don’t put all your eggs in one basket.’ Or in this case, your sperm. When I was younger, it wasn’t such a big deal if I dedicated six months or a year to someone who didn’t work out. Sure, break ups are almost always devastating but nothing a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and cutting his head out of photos before burning the head pile couldn’t cure. Now, as I admit to myself and the world around me that I am getting older, six months just seems like a really long time to waste. I’m tired of dating. Forget tired, I’m exhausted! I feel like I’m living inside a Where’s Waldo search and the artist hid my soul mate really, really well. So, while I’m searching for him, I sometimes think that I need to keep my options more open until someone gives me a reason not to. Isn’t it entirely possible that while I’m wasting time giving 100% to someone who isn’t right that I’m missing out on someone who might be? And let’s face it, even 50% of me is still enough to be amazing.
I tend to say no to dates I think are a waste of my time but maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I’m judging people too quickly and need to get to know some people a little bit better before I say no. And a free meal is a free meal, right?
I was recently asked out by “Ricky”. Ricky is absolutely gorgeous, so much so that when I’m around him, I feel like my brain fell out and if I look him directly in the eyes I might spontaneously combust. Or orgasm. I look at his forehead a lot when we talk instead. He has a good job and, from what our mutual friends tell me, he is one of the good guys. I met Ricky about a year ago during a defensive driving course. Shortly after that, a mutual friend told me that Ricky had been asking her about me and that he was interested. At the time, I had a boyfriend so, of course, I said no. But I also found out that Ricky has a child. I have no idea if it’s a son or daughter or how old his mystery child is. It’s not because I don’t like children, it’s because I do. Once it becomes an actual person to me, that changes everything. But as long as it remains a nameless, mystery blob (sort of like looking at a strangers first sonogram) I can continue to only view his child as a deal breaker.
I like children and I hope to have some of my own one day. But dating someone who already has a child is complicated. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’m not entirely certain what the situation is with Ricky’s baby mama but, from what I’ve heard, they were married and may still technically be. Maybe it makes me a bad person but the thought of dealing with baby mama drama again really turns me off. Not to mention the fact that, if things go well, eventually, you meet the kid and become a part of their life, right? But you’re not their parent and anything you do that could possibly be considered parenting towards that child (encouraging them to finish their dinner or reprimanding them for misbehaving) is most likely going to blow up in your face. Which also means that if the child of the person you’re dating is bratty or nasty or just plain weird, you can’t do anything about it. You’re just stuck. Awkward.
I suppose what turns me off from getting involved with someone with a child the most though is that sometimes you do really like the kid. My ex’s daughter was the best. We had so much fun together from the very first time we met, which happened to be New Year’s Eve. I remember that she was tired from staying up to watch the ball drop and didn’t want to put her pajama’s on so she sat in her closet and wouldn’t come out. I let her put on my purple leopard pajamas (I went out the next day and bought her matching ones) and I squeezed into her nightgown. Yup, I put on a seven-year old’s pajamas. I was very popular with her father’s male friends after that outfit! But it got her out of her closet and it got me into her circle of trust. After that night, we were girls. She loved to do her hair with me and help me cook. And on the weekends her father had her, I would sleep on the couch instead of in our bedroom. When she would wake up in the morning, instead of waking up her father, she would bring out her blanket, curl up with me on the couch and snuggle while we watched cartoons. When her father and I broke up, I felt like I was breaking up with his daughter as well. To this day I can’t help but wonder how she was impacted by me not being around anymore. I know that I still miss her every day and wonder how she’s grown up. I truly loved her like she was my own and I don’t think I’m prepared to possibly go through a loss like that again.
So, now it’s a year after the first time Ricky asked me out and I shot him down. He’s still interested and he still looks good. And I’m now single. So what’s a girl to do? Do I trust my instincts that I don’t want the added complications of a child and a baby mama or do I throw caution to the wind and try something different for a change? After all, what I’ve been doing hasn’t worked out so well for me so far. Let’s be honest, it’s Saturday night and I’m home writing about dating from my couch, watching The Hangover, instead of actually being out on a date. And to be fair, if I one day have my fabulous gay friend’s baby, I wouldn’t want anyone to hold my child or my baby mama (yes, that’s right, I went there) against me.
“Trouble is I like the taste too much and I can’t think straight…Trouble is I feel like I could win or lose it all I don’t know which way to fall” ~ Allison Iraheta, Trouble Is