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Dating, Love, Relationships, Romance, Sex, Uncategorized

Show and Tell

It seems as if every day, another one of my friends gets engaged or married or announces their pregnancy.  Everyone seems to be taking that next step in their lives but me.  I’m still here, singing karaoke in the bar on a Thursday night.  I never thought those things were important to me; I used to swear I would never get married or have kids.  Truthfully though, I’ve done the party all night thing.  While I still enjoy a night out with good friends, there is a part of me that wishes I had diapers to change and little feet to tickle.  And that part of me grows by the day.

As I look around me at happy couples and the women who have somehow figured out how to obtain the two things that allude me, I can’t help but wonder: why them and not me?  Maybe it’s a Long Island thing but I’ve noticed that a lot of these women are liars or cheaters or, at the very least, manipulative.  They are the girls who played games while dating.  They let the calls from the men they like go to voicemail and then they wait a day or so to call them back.  They say they have plans when their “plans” are to sit at home, do a home facial and pedicure while watching chick-flicks.  Is this what it takes to find happily ever after?

I have always been the kind of person who wears my heart on my sleeve.  Good or bad, I say how I feel and people always know where they stand with me.  When Jimi died, it definitely reinforced this for me.  There were so many things I didn’t say to him that I should have.  I can’t help but wonder if I had said “I love you” before he wound up in the hospital, if maybe he never would have gotten to that point.  Maybe nothing I said would have changed the future but, at the very least, he would have known how much he meant to me.  Don’t we all deserve to know that?  I learned an important lesson; there isn’t always tomorrow.  We have to show and tell the people we care about how much they mean to us today, right now.

So, I answer my phone when someone I want to talk to calls.  I respond to my texts right away and if I want to spend time with someone, I will make every effort.  I don’t say I’m busy when I’m not and if I’m thinking about someone, I let them know.  I like games as much as the next person; Monopoly, Dirty Minds, Guess Who.  I’m not into dating games though, I think they’re exhausting and dishonest and such a huge waste of time.  But is this why I’m still single?

When you’re open with guys about your feelings early on, it tends to scare them off.  I started dating a guy, “Curly” about two years ago who I liked a lot.   He’s from a big family and he’s very close with them.  That’s always been important to me seeing as I’m not particularly close to mine.  He’s involved in a lot of charity events and he is the kind of guy who will bring me lunch when I’m home sick from work.  When we first met, I thought he was an arrogant, womanizing jerk.  Then, I got to know him a little and realized I’m not such a great judge of character after all.  And so, I put my heart out there and made the attempt to spend more time together.  I told him I was into him.  And he ran, screaming, like a bat out of hell.

I recently started talking to “Curly” again and we finally talked about why things didn’t work out in the past.  He was very clear that I had come on a little too strong.  We’ve all heard that guys like the chase.  I’ve always felt like I would rather spend an extra two months enjoying each other’s company and getting to know each other than playing games and making someone try to “catch” me.  Am I wrong, though?  Am I shooting myself in the foot by being so honest?  Do I need to start letting my calls go to voicemail and be less available?  I have kept my feelings to myself this time and, while it isn’t easy, it seems to be working so far.  Until he reads this post, I suppose.  I think this is the first time I’m hoping someone doesn’t read my blog!

“Trouble is I like the taste too much and I can’t think straight People change, and will you still be here after today Trouble is I feel like I could win or lose it all I don’t know which way to fall” ~ Trouble Is, Allison Iraheta

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About Murphy's Law

You know that cliche that whatever can go wrong will go wrong? Can you think of anywhere else this holds more true than in the dating world? Ever had to change your phone number because someone sent you 150 texts in one day? Or go on a first date with someone you met online, only to find out that there's a reason he was holding his niece in front of half of his face in all of his pictures? Or take you to dinner only to have his ex-girlfriend as your waitress? Yes, the dating world is scary. But the good news is, you're not alone!

Discussion

7 thoughts on “Show and Tell

  1. So needed this tonight especially as I am sitting here kicking myself for another one running away because I came on too strong (aka being honest to the point)! Amen sista

    Posted by lililanier | September 5, 2011, 11:37 PM
  2. As i reenter the dating world I’m going with the ‘lay it all out there’ approach as well. I may also preface my approach with a disclaimer that I put it all out there while realizing it may scare the shit out of you to my next date. My philosophy is that he won’t be scared enough to run away if he’s worth it – a little fear is ok though 🙂 I also realize I already have two beautiful children which removes some pressure of finding Mr. Right while I am still able to have the babies BUT I am also a firm believer of it happening when it’s supposed to and letting it be what it will be.

    Posted by Sarah Van Buren | September 4, 2011, 10:16 PM
    • I agree that he shouldn’t get scared off if he is worth it. But I also think that sometimes people perceive things differently then they are. I think sometimes my willingness to put it all out there comes off as clingy or crazy. I think it’s difficult for men, and sometimes women, to understand that someone is behaving the way they are because they are genuinely into us and that they wouldn’t behave in that manner for just anyone. There are some crazy, clingy girls out there who immediately “love” anyone who is nice to them or pays them the slightest bit of attention. I can’/t help but wonder if that makes it difficult for these men to separate us from the clingers.

      Posted by Murphy's Law | September 4, 2011, 10:29 PM
  3. OMG- I swear this so SOOO me!!! I’m also sick of the “chase” game, that I don’t even do much & should maybe do more of it, but it seem obvious as though I don’t play it too well while I do do it & just wish some one could “catch” me. Even though this new liking of mine is just devoloping, maybe I should just not be so scared and flat out be upfront & become brave enough to voice my feelings to B. Maybe not yet though. Or maybe I need to wait it out & test the waters a little longer to discover if it’s worth it so it doesn’t back fire onto me. Hmm…

    Posted by curleeangel28 | September 4, 2011, 8:35 PM
  4. A guy who is worth the wait will realize that your upfront and honest approach is better than game-playing. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce and it is my guess that the manipulative types will be the ones who fail. A mature guy who knows what he wants in life should theoretically be able to recognize a good thing when he has it, at least I hope so. And don’t worry, your time will come and so will mine, we’re still young, 30 is the new 20, right?

    Posted by Erin | September 4, 2011, 3:07 PM
  5. Personally, I am a big fan of when a girl is upfront about how they feel or that they are interested. I was never that into the whole “chase” thing. Yes, if I am interested in a girl I will pursue her, but I like it if she pursues back 🙂

    Posted by Anon. | September 4, 2011, 11:05 AM

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