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Dating, Love, Relationships, Romance, Sex

Single and Ready to Mingle?

A male friend of mine recently asked me to write about how difficult it is to meet women after college.  Let’s be honest, isn’t it more difficult for all of us to meet someone special after college?  For the most part, the days of hooking up with some random from the bar while your roommate is sleeping two feet away are long gone for most of us.

As we get older, our options tend to decrease.  People get married off and the “bar hoppers” get younger and younger.  The last three guys I met in a bar turned out to be under the age of 22.  This is definitely a problem.  Back in college, it was easy to go out to a bar, meet a cute guy (or girl) and take them home.  Throw them a dollar for the bus in the morning, or sooner, and you’re on your way.  Now, things are more complicated.  Not only have we become the “old people” in the bar but everyone has baggage now.  The people we meet are divorced or have children.  Living on Long Island, you have to worry about who still lives with their parents.  It’s not as easy as just thinking someone’s cute anymore.

On top of all of the complications we already have, technology only complicates things further.  With constant text messaging and updates from Twitter and Facebook coming straight to our phones, we’ve become unable to focus on what’s right in front of us.  Something “better” might text us at any second.

Dating has come a long way from when our parents were looking for love.  We’re no longer limited to marrying our high school sweetheart or waiting to run into the right guy while out running errands.  If you’re lucky enough to find the love of your life in high school, you’ve won the jackpot, but it doesn’t happen that way for most of us.  In addition to the tried and true methods of meeting someone in a bar or on line at Starbucks, we’ve gotten more creative.  We have Facebook, Match.com, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, speed dating and there’s even an app for your iPhone that tells you where the nearest gay men are (for those of you who swing that way).

With all of these options, it seems like it should be easier for us to find that person we can’t live without.  All of these extra options, though, means there’s that much more to distract us.  It isn’t so easy to recognize and appreciate the wonderful person that we have when there are a hundred others out there, distracting us every second of the day.  How often do we even take the time to really get to know the people that we meet, anyway?  We’re too busy checking text messages while out on a date, juggling the competition and we just don’t take the time anymore to really get to know each other.  The first date I went on after Doc and I broke up lasted about three hours.  In all that time, my date only asked me one question about myself.

With thirty being the new twenty and people getting married later in life, is it really because we’re focused on developing our character and chasing our dreams, or is it just that we don’t pay any real attention to the people in our lives?  Its one hundred percent possible that I’ve met the man of my dreams already, we’ve just been too busy exploring all the options to figure it out.  Next time you meet someone who shows some promise, turn off your cell phone while you’re getting to know them.  Ask them questions about themselves, get to know what they’re all about and don’t be so quick to say “on to the next.”  It’s completely possible that we’ve already met the person that we could be happy with, we’re just too busy looking for something else to even notice.  Maybe it isn’t as difficult to meet someone as we think it is, we just need to open our eyes a little more.

“Drinking our cheap bottles of wine Sit talking up all night Saying things we haven’t for a while Smiling but we’re close to tears Even after all these years We just now got the feeling that we’re meeting For the first time”  For the First Time ~ The Script

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About Murphy's Law

You know that cliche that whatever can go wrong will go wrong? Can you think of anywhere else this holds more true than in the dating world? Ever had to change your phone number because someone sent you 150 texts in one day? Or go on a first date with someone you met online, only to find out that there's a reason he was holding his niece in front of half of his face in all of his pictures? Or take you to dinner only to have his ex-girlfriend as your waitress? Yes, the dating world is scary. But the good news is, you're not alone!

Discussion

5 thoughts on “Single and Ready to Mingle?

  1. As the male friend who suggested this topic, I completely agree with the being too distracted by things. The last date I went on (through match.com btw) my fate spent more time checking her texts then talking with me. Now, I would hope that I am a bit more interesting than that.

    Posted by Anon. | August 28, 2011, 10:01 PM
    • We don’t know how to interact in social situations like dates anymore. If there isn’t a computer screen or phone between us, we’ve all become so awkward. And talking to the person on line in front of you for coffee? Forget it! No one talks face to face anymore. Except me and people think I’m crazy then 🙂 But give it a shot, what do you have to lose?

      Posted by Murphy's Law | August 29, 2011, 4:57 PM
  2. This is probably one of the best dating advice blog posts I’ve read in awhile. Kudos to you for not assuming heteronormativity or that adults move out of their parents’ houses (although those people should know that it is a major turnoff…).

    Posted by westwood | August 28, 2011, 8:08 PM
    • wow, thanks Westwood for the support! It made my day! As for not moving out of their parents’ houses, we all understand LI is an expensive place to live. But I’m not 17 anymore and the idea of “doing it” with your parents down the hall…that’s just not my style haha

      Posted by Murphy's Law | August 28, 2011, 8:30 PM
  3. Whoa. I can really relate to the paragraphs that you’ve just written. I feel like you just read my mind…

    Posted by Jennifer Bellardini | August 28, 2011, 2:08 AM

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