I’ve been proposed to three times. The first two times were by guys I’d already broken up with. The third time, I actually said yes. Too bad that’s the one time there wasn’t a ring involved. At least then I would’ve had something to hock when the wedding never actually happened. Or to shove down his throat when he came back, months later, to “talk”.
Its been said that you never know what you have until its gone. I guess that explains the first two proposals. But, it leaves me wondering, what the hell is the matter with us? Why are we so determined not to recognize and appreciate what we have while we still have it?
An ex-boyfriend recently contacted me after reading my previous blogs. While we were together, getting his attention was usually difficult, at best. If I wasn’t naked in high heels, I might as well have been in another country. I’m not the kind of girl who likes to come in second to anything, much less to video games or just “feeling like being alone.” A relationship is supposed to be about working together and supporting each other. Maybe there are some women out there who are happy to work all day, come home and get dinner on the table for their significant others while they play video games, clean up from dinner and then still have the energy (and interest) in a night of passionate love-making. I’m not one of them. I deserve an equal partnership; someone who will cook me dinner once in a while, bring me breakfast in bed, help out around the house and treat me with the love and respect I give to them. And, when none of the above happen and I feel more like your mom or your maid? Let’s just say I finally figured out where the off button is on my libido.
This ex, who shall remain nameless and without any other identifying characteristics because, I actually do think he is a good person with a good heart, he just wasn’t for me. But, this ex has been reading my blogs. And, apparently, reading about me being with other guys has made him think about what he gave up. Before we both finally threw in the towel, I fought every second of every day to talk out our problems and to try to figure out how we could fix things. It just wasn’t that important to him though because he wasn’t willing to bend at all. And now, here I am getting eight hours worth of text messages about how he does appreciate me and how he wants to talk. Where was all of this when I was still around? Why did I have to not only walk away but sleep with someone else to get him to realize he had it pretty good with me? And now I have to hear about how reading all of that really hurt him. Well, taking me for granted really hurt me and if there is someone else who is going to make me feel good about myself, I’m not going to turn my back to that for someone who always made me second guess everything.
It’s human nature to go back to our ex’s when we’re in a dating lull or we see them with someone else for the first time. As a species, I guess we’re pretty masochistic that way. Sometimes, second chances do work out. But only if one or both people have changed in some way. If you’re just jumping back into the exact same situation you already walked away from, its doomed to be a failure. Our ex’s are ex’s for a reason. And, even if that reason is as simple as the fact that they just didn’t appreciate you, don’t we all deserve to be with someone who never takes a single second with us for granted?
It’s easy to get too comfortable in a relationship but its a death sentence. If you’ve found someone who takes your breath away every time they walk into a room, whose laugh could make you forget even your worst troubles and who you know will always have your back, no matter what, let them know how much you appreciate them every day. Guys, bring her flowers just because its Tuesday. Get up before her and bring her homemade breakfast in bed. Girls, learn to at least pretend to like playing video games or actual real-life sports with your man. Have date night at Dave and Busters once in a while (and let him win at basketball even though you’re better.) Turn in your granny panties for something sexy and lacy once in a while. And most of all, don’t ever stop telling each other how much you mean to one another. Trust me, guys, if you wait until you’ve already lost her to try to show her how much she means, you better have one gigantic ring if you think she’s even going to consider saying yes.
“Decided to dip Now you want to trip ‘Cause another brother noticed me…If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it Don’t be mad when you see that he want it ‘Cause if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it” Single Ladies ~ Beyonce